Seems like an unusual thing to say, doesn't it? I would never have chosen to have this debilitating illness or whatever you want to refer to it as. Who chooses to wake up every morning and feel like utter shit? Who chooses to feel like they cant bond with their baby? Who chooses to want to be violent(for some), short tempered, tearful everyday? No one would make that choice.
However, with all situations in life,we can learn from it. We can learn just how strong we are and how much we fought because lets face it, it was a constant struggle and fight to even get out of bed or the house every single day.It was a fight against "the norm". The norm being that we would burst with love for this little life that we created out of love, and that we would slip into motherhood as easy as slipping into a size 10 a few weeks after giving birth. And sleepless nights , we would be able to function normally, go to work the next day , have a meal on the table after doing a whole day's work
But that's in an ideal world and lets face it, we don't live in one and we aren't perfect. The faster we stop being so hard on ourselves, the better! I'm not saying that the above doesn't happen because it does. Just not to everyone and no mother should ever feel guilty about that.
I have realized as well that I can talk to people about it and know that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I feel that I can take on anything because I am strong. I know that my daughter is not going to hate me for who I was at the start and I will tell her how I was. In actual fact, I wrote her letters and I will give them to her when she is old enough to understand. She will know that I fought hard to love her. She will know that no matter what she does in life, failure is not a word that we will use.She is a beautiful, cheeky, stubborn,independent and amazing young girl. IF i was as bad a mother as I thought I was at the start, she wouldn't be who she is today. Which in my eyes, is absolutely perfect.
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