Hospital Visits

I was walking the dog this afternoon and thinking about things to include in the blog about my experience and one thing that I can remember doing an awful lot is hospital and doctor visits.

It was almost as though I had a fear that something was wrong and I don't know if it was because I had an inability to cope with what was going on already.  If she slept longer than normal, and had bruises, i would think that she would develop a childhood cancer, or if her bowel movements were runny, I would immediately think that she had IBS or something to that effect.

I would take her to the hospital to get checked out late at night because she was too pale, or was vomiting too much or not passing enough urine. By the time we would get to the hospital she would be fine and smiling at the nurses and I was worried that they would think I was nuts. I then would try to convince myself that "I would rather be thought of as a neurotic parent than have something awful happen to her" but in actual fact it was a defense mechanism used for not admitting what I knew deep down was just irrational fears.

In speaking to a lot of different mum's, I realize that I am not alone with this one....My health visitor was also very helpful in letting me know that I wasn't doing anything wrong but it was better to call him first for reassurance rather than going to A&E. In hindsight he was helping to diffuse how I was feeling and bringing me back to reality and I think that this was also one of the many things which helped me on the long list of anxieties that I had.