Learning Experience

This morning whilst on a walk with the dog (we walk a lot,lol)  I was thinking about the blog and how it has taken over a lot of my thoughts and I had came to the realization that there are still parts of me that haven't properly been addressed. I have also came to the realization after reading other people's experiences and how they were feeling on their journey. There are some amazing women/men out there who have written blogs!

There are so many common feelings as I have said before , but these branch off into different directions and different areas of of our lives. I personally feel that the anxiety that I experience, affects a lot of my life as a whole.  I have a lot of "not feeling good enough" or not being as patient a mother as maybe some of my friends. There, I said it and I admitted it all to all 500 of you who read this.  I do believe that I have had this insecurity for most of my life , I know that it is something that I am making a conscious effort to work on but it has certainly gotten worse since PND.

However, this is by no means a "step back" it  is a working on and going forward and I feel positive that I can change this and that I will change it. This is the difference. I could have  just gone with the negative thoughts and accepted it but its not within my nature to do so.

I think some of the thoughts that I have just now are surrounding wanting another baby(if we can) and study. I have as you all know , been studying for 2 years plus other courses in the back round ... But this week I decided that i wanted to go in to mental health nursing.  I believe that this is a way in which I can help people break down the stigma of PND and depression as a whole. The other reason is because I really feel that I enjoy learning about mental health as a whole. Its fascinating . I will continue trying to get my diploma in counselling but the course that I want to do next is very expensive.

So the problem is, the new course will be 3 years.. I'm anxious that if I start the course, I will not complete it and never be qualified and then stuck in a job that I may not enjoy. I also think that if we don't try for another baby, it will then be too late because i'm getting older and wonder if this is the reason for the miscarriages.

So these anxieties are causing me a great deal of stress at the moment. I thought what better way to get these anxieties out of my head, was to write them. I will continue to use this to write about my journey through PND and also about anxiety and stress. Its my own personal story with no expectations. I hope....  ; )