Insight

After reading my friends account of her own PND journey, I realised and admitted that there are still some lasting effects on my life now and I really do need and want to work on them.

As my friend said in hers.. the anxiety is something that doesn't really leave.. at least not in my case and will need to be a work in progress.  I think with me its a case of proving a point to myself and other people and wanting to make sure that on the outside I appear to be completely happy and that life is going smoothly when really it isn't.  But in reality there are still days when I struggle.. its usually the days when the rain is falling and there isn't much to do... or there is but the rain has put a damper on my idea finding! ha ha

I'm not saying that I am depressed as this is pretty far from the truth but I take on too much because I think it will get rid of the anxious feelings that are there on a daily basis and  in a parenting context. For example ,  when you think "when they start walking/talking/ect ect ect" things will be easier  and you start wishing for the next stage and the next stage  but in reality you need to enjoy your children and your life and be in the moment. I noticed this very recently when thinking about my daughter actually going to school next year and just how quickly that it has gone! I wish that I could have enjoyed things more but I know it wasn't always my fault and that it is just the feelings from having PND.

But the good thing is that through reading other people's experiences,  you realize and have so much more insight and feel less alone when you know that someone has had the exact same feelings! Its almost like a relief and you give yourself permission to feel OK about your own situation.  It is OK to have down days, to have days where you don't want to leave the house , days where you doubt yourself,days where you walk out of the house with vomit on your top from your baby(this was the norm for me, lol) days where you shout at your child ,days when all you want to do is cry. and you know what? ITS OK!!!! No one is going to think of you as a bad parent or come and take your kids away, this is normality and I challenge anyone who says anything different.

We are "normal" people/parents who are finding our own way, sometimes right away and sometimes not but we will all get there in the end.I promise.