We had decided last year that we had wanted to have another baby. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable with that thought and it was amazing to feel like that again after thinking that I would never want to have another child. It was great to feel excited and to start a new chapter in our lives.
I was terrified of going through the same thing and not looking forward to the sleep deprivation , the middle of the night feeds and trying to look after 2 children but we thought it would be a great opportunity as our daughter would soon be starting school which would mean that I wouldn't have 2 children all the time but I would know what to expect second time around.
I think that I was also getting broody as most of my friends had new babies .... also, our daughter had started asking when she would get a brother or a sister to play with and wanted to know where she came from. So we decided after careful consideration, that we would try.
I became pregnant quite quickly and was over joyed. I started getting excited and started planning for the future. The same way that I had done with our first . Unfortunately it wasn't meant to be and I miscarried quite soon after. As I had been through two miscarriages before, it wasn't as hard as the first but it was still quite upsetting as you get used to the "idea" of how things were going to be. I had even told my daughter that she was going to be a big sister, this was a mistake. She is quite articulate and intelligent but it is heartbreaking when you have to explain that her brother or sister was just not going to be this time. She surprised me one day last month in primark, asking "you'll have another baby that wont die, wont you mummy"? This doesn't sadden me,but it upsets me that she knows about these things far too early though.
But it isn't all negative because I got to the point, and we as a couple got to the point that we wanted to try again despite what had happened before. If I got there, so can anyone else.
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